Finding my Feminine Fit...
As a woman I have learned that it is an interesting world, and space I must fit in, as a general woman. Growing up, I was taught that being "emotional" was bad and not accepted in a man's world, which I also brought into my young woman perception. Being "emotional" meant I was girly, prissy, weak and couldn't handle myself, which were not good things apparently. Even the word "feminine" was somehow a bad thing to be.
I feel differently now. What I realized much later in life was that it was other people (both men and women) who couldn't handle themselves when I expressed my emotion. Especially any emotion that potentially opposed what they believed as happiness. Why? Well, usually because it reminded them of their pent up emotions and if they expressed them would possibly mean they are not happy. But that is an whole other blog post topic!!!!
Back to my current post...
I remember being about age 20, and I was having a very hard time feeling comfortable to being in a romantic relationship with any guy. I was worried about not being accepted for me. I felt strong and tough, and independent, but I wanted to be that in a "woman way" not a "man way". I was never shown how to be feminine. I had built a thick shell, guarding myself against being rejected, and anything long term barred the title of hangout friends with guys growing up. I felt too masculine in many ways and I tried to be like them, not really knowing how to be an equal feminine balance to them. I was also disgusted by how some of my girlfriends changed when they got around guys they "liked", becoming weak and helpless. I didn't want to be that. I still wanted to be me. I wanted to understand what it meant to be feminine, but also be strong still. I had never learned I could be both. I was frustrated with myself, thinking that feminine was girly and prissy, and all three I didn't want to be. So I decided to research, and really find out what being feminine meant...
The definition that comes up when one Googles "definition of feminine" is RIDICULOUS. I don't like that definition and most likely never will. It is such a male-written, small definition of feminine.
Wikidiff gives a completely UNHELPFUL comparison under the topic Feminine vs Girly.
Opinions are thrown out everywhere in discussion boards of the definition of feminine and/or the differences between Feminine and Girly.
Soooooo.... HOW are we to know if it is okay to be feminine, and what it even is?
The list of qualities I stumbled upon when I was researching at age 20 helped me overcome my VERY OLD patriarchal perspective of feminine. I have lost the list over the years, but it lead me to understand a new perspective of feminine. One that I could grasp, accept, and realize within myself. It described a gentle strength. Confidence that inspires both women and men. An over all vision of self that comes from a place of love and acceptance rather than judgement and discrimination of self. Had I known that being Feminine was so awesome, I would have embraced it much earlier!!
Since then, I continue to be a work in progress, turning the reflection inward as I over come blocks and old perspectives that hold me back from having confidence that inspires others to also find it within themselves. I have walked forward in life with intentions to truly understand and hopefully BE that feminine description, making it applicable to ME and the feminine I AM. Being myself, learning to love myself, understanding what this experience called Life As A Human is for me, and what I get to do with it. This all encompasses being Feminine, which is pretty fulfilling to discover.
I have realized that there is a feminine aspect in ALL of us, and learning how to represent that aspect in me, and inspire others to find it within them, is one of the most exciting journeys of life.
Recognize the feminine. It brings inspiration as a muse would inspire creativity, bringing purpose to life.
I feel differently now. What I realized much later in life was that it was other people (both men and women) who couldn't handle themselves when I expressed my emotion. Especially any emotion that potentially opposed what they believed as happiness. Why? Well, usually because it reminded them of their pent up emotions and if they expressed them would possibly mean they are not happy. But that is an whole other blog post topic!!!!
Back to my current post...
I remember being about age 20, and I was having a very hard time feeling comfortable to being in a romantic relationship with any guy. I was worried about not being accepted for me. I felt strong and tough, and independent, but I wanted to be that in a "woman way" not a "man way". I was never shown how to be feminine. I had built a thick shell, guarding myself against being rejected, and anything long term barred the title of hangout friends with guys growing up. I felt too masculine in many ways and I tried to be like them, not really knowing how to be an equal feminine balance to them. I was also disgusted by how some of my girlfriends changed when they got around guys they "liked", becoming weak and helpless. I didn't want to be that. I still wanted to be me. I wanted to understand what it meant to be feminine, but also be strong still. I had never learned I could be both. I was frustrated with myself, thinking that feminine was girly and prissy, and all three I didn't want to be. So I decided to research, and really find out what being feminine meant...
The definition that comes up when one Googles "definition of feminine" is RIDICULOUS. I don't like that definition and most likely never will. It is such a male-written, small definition of feminine.
Wikidiff gives a completely UNHELPFUL comparison under the topic Feminine vs Girly.
Opinions are thrown out everywhere in discussion boards of the definition of feminine and/or the differences between Feminine and Girly.
Soooooo.... HOW are we to know if it is okay to be feminine, and what it even is?
The list of qualities I stumbled upon when I was researching at age 20 helped me overcome my VERY OLD patriarchal perspective of feminine. I have lost the list over the years, but it lead me to understand a new perspective of feminine. One that I could grasp, accept, and realize within myself. It described a gentle strength. Confidence that inspires both women and men. An over all vision of self that comes from a place of love and acceptance rather than judgement and discrimination of self. Had I known that being Feminine was so awesome, I would have embraced it much earlier!!
Since then, I continue to be a work in progress, turning the reflection inward as I over come blocks and old perspectives that hold me back from having confidence that inspires others to also find it within themselves. I have walked forward in life with intentions to truly understand and hopefully BE that feminine description, making it applicable to ME and the feminine I AM. Being myself, learning to love myself, understanding what this experience called Life As A Human is for me, and what I get to do with it. This all encompasses being Feminine, which is pretty fulfilling to discover.
I have realized that there is a feminine aspect in ALL of us, and learning how to represent that aspect in me, and inspire others to find it within them, is one of the most exciting journeys of life.
Recognize the feminine. It brings inspiration as a muse would inspire creativity, bringing purpose to life.
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